Today when i awoke, i suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life ever!
there where times when i wondered if i would make it to today, but i did. and because i did, im going to celebrate. today im going to celebrate what an unbelievable life i have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and yes even the hardships because they have served to mmake me stronger.
I will go through this day with my head held high and happy heart. i will marvel at gods seemingly simple gifts. today i will share my excitement for life with other people , ill make someone smile. ill go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone i dont even know. today ill give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. ill tell everyone how special they are and ILL TELL SOMEONE I LOVE JUST HOW I DEEPLY CARE FOR HIM AND HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME...
Today is the day i quit worrying about what i dont have and start being greatful for all the wonderful things GOD has already given me. ill remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in god and his DIVINE PLAN ensures everything will be just fine.
And tonight before i go to bed ill go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. i will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon and i will praise GOD for these magnificent treasures.
As the day ends and i lay my head down my pillow i will thank the ALMIGHTY for the best day of my life. and i will sleep the sleep of a contented child excited with expectation because i know tomorrow is going to be THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!
Saturday
grrrrrr.. what the fuck???
WTF is up with all this Vampire shiite? They are literally EVERYWHERE in popular culture. Can anyone explain to me why people under the age of 20 are obsessed with the entirely fictitious idea of demonic, blood suckers torn from the pages of Tiger Beat magazine and thrust into the local High School to bewitch the likes of jocks, cheerleaders and brainiacs on Main streets across the Western world? This guy Pattinson looks like he could actually use some real blood in his anemic body; his hair looks healthier than he does. Are teens so bored and dismissive of real life that they would rather retreat into a fantasy world where at least you know what to expect from the brooding new kid with the fangs? Enough already.
Sunday
if you could make someone love you
Think back to when you've been hurt...when someone has broken your heart. I know that I've been there. In the heat of my dark passionate angry hurt I've said some pretty ridiculous things. Things like "I hope I die in a car wreck, and that would really show him! Then he'll realize what he's missing".
You know...silly, hurt, selfish things.But sometimes the thoughts turn to things like "I wish I could make him love me." There it is...the problem. We can't control people's will. We can manipulate, influence, beg, cry, encourage, ridicule, but we can't control. We can't make someone love us. It sucks, it hurts, it's awful...but it's true.
You know...silly, hurt, selfish things.But sometimes the thoughts turn to things like "I wish I could make him love me." There it is...the problem. We can't control people's will. We can manipulate, influence, beg, cry, encourage, ridicule, but we can't control. We can't make someone love us. It sucks, it hurts, it's awful...but it's true.
AN INFORMAL LETTER TO A DIFFICULT FRIEND
Dearest friend,
I know our relationship has been difficult and we haven't really spoken in a long time, but it's recently become clear that we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the next few months. The issues we've faced in the past are going to resurface and we really, really need to work this out now before it's too late.I'll admit I've said some terrible things about you in the past. I apologize. You think me unintelligent for not understanding you, even after years of trying. That's not true. You're difficult, you know? I know I've given up on you in the past and even broke your trust by cheating, but never again. I'm not going to give up on you this time. I'm determined to understand. I'm determined to keep trying.That said, I hope things are easier this time around. I hope everything sinks in easier. I promise to keep trying despite how difficult you are. And you really are. Don't deny it and I'll try to keep my "hate" claims under wraps this semester.
MATH, I do want to be your friend. Really. Just help me understand you. Please.
MUCH LOVE,
IRISH
I know our relationship has been difficult and we haven't really spoken in a long time, but it's recently become clear that we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the next few months. The issues we've faced in the past are going to resurface and we really, really need to work this out now before it's too late.I'll admit I've said some terrible things about you in the past. I apologize. You think me unintelligent for not understanding you, even after years of trying. That's not true. You're difficult, you know? I know I've given up on you in the past and even broke your trust by cheating, but never again. I'm not going to give up on you this time. I'm determined to understand. I'm determined to keep trying.That said, I hope things are easier this time around. I hope everything sinks in easier. I promise to keep trying despite how difficult you are. And you really are. Don't deny it and I'll try to keep my "hate" claims under wraps this semester.
MATH, I do want to be your friend. Really. Just help me understand you. Please.
MUCH LOVE,
IRISH
the art of LOL-ing
...is mastered by not LOL-ing at all. let me be very clear about this, i despise the use of the phrase "lol" and if you use it, i will think less of you.
unless you are one of the few people who actually laughs out loud everytime you type lol, or literally rolls on the ground dying of laughter when ROFLMAO-ing, shame on you for using it. or rather, abusing it.
it's rarely used genuinely, and even if you are one of the few people who does laugh out loud, why not extend that to more sincere phrase like "hahaha" where you can express how much you are laughing by typing more haha's (with discretion, of course), rather than adding random letters to represent physical actions?
and don't you DARE "lol haha" ... someone did this to me today and i had to restrain myself from lashing out. not only is that redundant, it defeats the purpose and severely angers any LOL-haters you may be conversing with.
instances where people (read: noobs) lol
1. when something someone says isn't remotely interesting or entertainingA: omg, my mom just burned the toast!B: lol...
2. in real life. really? as if people didn't bombard me with the phrase enough online.A: Billy failed his math test.B: LAWLZZZZZ
3. as punctuationA: hey, what are you up to?B: just watching tv, lol
4. to soften the blowA: you look horrible today, lol
5. when you have nothing else to sayA: lolB: lol
now tell me, is LOL not the most pathetic excuse for an internet acronym ever? it's ranked right up there with the fillers "like" and "um". personally, i can tolerate minor LOL usage, but abuse of the phrase will eventually lead to someone stabbing you in the face (that would be me, i'm not afraid to admit it)
so, LOL in moderation, if not at all.
--------edit--------
wow, jeez this is controversial... so i made some...
premade responses to comments filled with hate :(
- lolplease come up with something more original. was clever the first time, but 20984 other people also said the same thing...
- why are you complaining about "LOL" when there's poverty in the world? why are you taking this so seriously? my blog, back off yo. if there are more serious issues at hand, then YOU blog about them.
- you're getting lots of comments, just like you wanted.seriously? someone sounds like someone's a bit jealous... and bitter. and i would never do that. feel free to not believe me, but it's the truth.
- you complain too much!obviously you're blind and missed the whole giant "i like to draw. AND COMPLAIN." at the top of the page. you were warned!
- can't believe you think less of lol-fansi'm sorry, did you read wrong? because i did specify people who overuse/abuse the acronym- what a lame thing to talk about. my dear, i don't give a damn.excuse me? who asked you to read this? AND comment on it?
unless you are one of the few people who actually laughs out loud everytime you type lol, or literally rolls on the ground dying of laughter when ROFLMAO-ing, shame on you for using it. or rather, abusing it.
it's rarely used genuinely, and even if you are one of the few people who does laugh out loud, why not extend that to more sincere phrase like "hahaha" where you can express how much you are laughing by typing more haha's (with discretion, of course), rather than adding random letters to represent physical actions?
and don't you DARE "lol haha" ... someone did this to me today and i had to restrain myself from lashing out. not only is that redundant, it defeats the purpose and severely angers any LOL-haters you may be conversing with.
instances where people (read: noobs) lol
1. when something someone says isn't remotely interesting or entertainingA: omg, my mom just burned the toast!B: lol...
2. in real life. really? as if people didn't bombard me with the phrase enough online.A: Billy failed his math test.B: LAWLZZZZZ
3. as punctuationA: hey, what are you up to?B: just watching tv, lol
4. to soften the blowA: you look horrible today, lol
5. when you have nothing else to sayA: lolB: lol
now tell me, is LOL not the most pathetic excuse for an internet acronym ever? it's ranked right up there with the fillers "like" and "um". personally, i can tolerate minor LOL usage, but abuse of the phrase will eventually lead to someone stabbing you in the face (that would be me, i'm not afraid to admit it)
so, LOL in moderation, if not at all.
--------edit--------
wow, jeez this is controversial... so i made some...
premade responses to comments filled with hate :(
- lolplease come up with something more original. was clever the first time, but 20984 other people also said the same thing...
- why are you complaining about "LOL" when there's poverty in the world? why are you taking this so seriously? my blog, back off yo. if there are more serious issues at hand, then YOU blog about them.
- you're getting lots of comments, just like you wanted.seriously? someone sounds like someone's a bit jealous... and bitter. and i would never do that. feel free to not believe me, but it's the truth.
- you complain too much!obviously you're blind and missed the whole giant "i like to draw. AND COMPLAIN." at the top of the page. you were warned!
- can't believe you think less of lol-fansi'm sorry, did you read wrong? because i did specify people who overuse/abuse the acronym- what a lame thing to talk about. my dear, i don't give a damn.excuse me? who asked you to read this? AND comment on it?
the social apology...
Maybe some of you have noticed what I have noticed, namely, some people find it very difficult or practically even impossible to apologize even if they think they are wrong, others think they are wrong so rarely that they never apologize anyway, and then there is another group, namely, those who apologize too much.
I'll start with the latter group because someone in that group played a featured role in my life recently, and it really gets old. This is the person who apologizes so readily and so frequently that it has come to have no meaning whatsoever. This is the type of person who
a) does whatever he wants, knowing all along it is the wrong or hurtful thing to do under the circumstances, then apologizes later with the idea of making it all OK for himself
b) continues to apologize instead of explaining when asked for the truth
c) possibly (for example) a person with addictions, the results of which cause consequences hurtful to others; who always 'slips' or 'falls off the wagon' then does something hurtful, then says "I'm sorry, it will never happen again." And this happens time after time after time, pretty much the exact same thing over and over again
OH that gets so old, hearing that kind of apology. It loses all meaning, and to me it reminds me of someone who says 'I love you' so many times (and mostly when they've screwed up in a major way) that the 'I love yous' just become completely meaningless.
As to the category of the person who is never wrong or doesn't feel that they are ever wrong, that's a different story because, of course everybody is wrong sometimes. Important however:
Just because someone has never apologized to you doesn't mean that is a person who thinks they are never wrong. Perhaps it is only someone you don't know that well, or don't have all that much interaction with, or perhaps there is a situation where there is no real right and wrong and it's all just a matter of opinion.
There may be a time when you believe a person should have apologized to you and they don't. That doesn't mean they were wrong, necessarily.
Then you have the personality which doesn't enjoy apologizing and so they rarely do. I think this category has a lot of people in it, but personally I'd rather be around this kind of personality instead of the chronic apologizer. At least with this kind of personality, you know that when they apologize, the apology is extremely sincere.
I am in this last category as I suspect so many of us are, and not so long ago I apologized to a GUY (and I didn't it even though I did not think my 'crime' was all that great, nonetheless I still did it, and it was entirely sincere). Now it wasn't easy to do, and so far as I ever heard I was most definitely not 'forgiven,' but I do not regret having apologized because the truly sincere apology is not something you'd ever want to take back no matter how poorly it is received.
I'll start with the latter group because someone in that group played a featured role in my life recently, and it really gets old. This is the person who apologizes so readily and so frequently that it has come to have no meaning whatsoever. This is the type of person who
a) does whatever he wants, knowing all along it is the wrong or hurtful thing to do under the circumstances, then apologizes later with the idea of making it all OK for himself
b) continues to apologize instead of explaining when asked for the truth
c) possibly (for example) a person with addictions, the results of which cause consequences hurtful to others; who always 'slips' or 'falls off the wagon' then does something hurtful, then says "I'm sorry, it will never happen again." And this happens time after time after time, pretty much the exact same thing over and over again
OH that gets so old, hearing that kind of apology. It loses all meaning, and to me it reminds me of someone who says 'I love you' so many times (and mostly when they've screwed up in a major way) that the 'I love yous' just become completely meaningless.
As to the category of the person who is never wrong or doesn't feel that they are ever wrong, that's a different story because, of course everybody is wrong sometimes. Important however:
Just because someone has never apologized to you doesn't mean that is a person who thinks they are never wrong. Perhaps it is only someone you don't know that well, or don't have all that much interaction with, or perhaps there is a situation where there is no real right and wrong and it's all just a matter of opinion.
There may be a time when you believe a person should have apologized to you and they don't. That doesn't mean they were wrong, necessarily.
Then you have the personality which doesn't enjoy apologizing and so they rarely do. I think this category has a lot of people in it, but personally I'd rather be around this kind of personality instead of the chronic apologizer. At least with this kind of personality, you know that when they apologize, the apology is extremely sincere.
I am in this last category as I suspect so many of us are, and not so long ago I apologized to a GUY (and I didn't it even though I did not think my 'crime' was all that great, nonetheless I still did it, and it was entirely sincere). Now it wasn't easy to do, and so far as I ever heard I was most definitely not 'forgiven,' but I do not regret having apologized because the truly sincere apology is not something you'd ever want to take back no matter how poorly it is received.
an open letter to my mum....
Dear Mom,
I know it must be hard for you to realize that I’m growing up. I know you want me to be that five year old who was only pretending to be seventeen, but it’s real, Mom, I’m getting older.
Growing up is hard enough on it’s own. I need your support in all that I do because in a year I’ll be leaving, and you’re going to have to let me go. You can’t pretend that I’m a little kid anymore. Let’s face it, Mom, I’m not.
I know you want to be there to protect me from all the dangers of the world. I know you never want me to get hurt. But it’s impossible, Mom. I know you don’t want me to dye my hair because you’re afraid it will get messed up, or that I’ll hate it. But I need you to let me make my own mistakes. Let it be my choice, and if I hate it, it will be my own doing, and maybe I’ll learn to think harder before I change my hair next time. What will happen when I have a much harder decision to make than what shade to dye my hair? I won’t always have you there to say “no”, to make the choice for me, I need to learn on my own.
I know you want to do things for me. I know you want to shelter me, to help me, to be a mom. But big responsibilities are coming my way, much bigger than just doing my own laundry. I need you to let me do things one step at a time, to learn for myself, to stop being dependent on you for everything. I know it’s your job to take care of me, and you still can, in some aspects, but I’m almost an adult, it’s time to step aside and let me do things on my own.
I know it’s your job to tell me what to do. I know you’re supposed to yell at me, to nag me, and to tell me to clean my room. But, Mom, when I get to college in just one short year, will you be there to tell me to clean my room? I’m old enough to tell when my room needs a tidy, I just do things slowly, and I clean when I feel like cleaning. But it gets done, I promise. Let me take this one responsibility and not have to be told to do things. You no longer have to tell me to do my homework or to take a bath like you did when I was younger, I’m starting to learn to do things on my own time, and sometimes there are consequences, but I want to learn those on my own. I don’t need you to be there telling me what to do and when to do it. Soon enough, you won’t be there telling me, so I should know how to act for myself before the time comes.
Please trust that I can make the right decisions for myself, and not always need you there to tell me. Trust that I will do the right thing, trust that you have raised me right and believe in your heart that things you told me will carry on to the rest of my life.
I know it’s hard to imagine letting go of your first baby. I know I’m supposed to be that tiny girl you held in your arms years ago. I know I’m supposed to be at home with you watching Sesame Street and eating Popsicles. Those times were great, but now it’s time to move on. I’m not a baby anymore. I know the first child is supposed to be the innocent one, the one who has no older siblings with evil ways for me to follow. I still have innocence, Mom, but I’m older now. I want to grow up for real. I want to choose my own path and grow and learn. I don’t want to be treated like I’m five. And I wanna tell you, Mom, you got lucky with me. I know you always say that, but I just want to remind you. You’re lucky that I’m as innocent as I am. You never really told me anything but that drinking and drugs are bad. You told me horror stories but you never really went in to depth with me. You never told me that I’d be curious about drugs, you never told me I’d want to experiment, you never told me I’d have to choose not to when everyone else was. You never talked to me about sex. You never told me that it’s all boys really want, and you never talked to me about birth control or ways to do it safely. You never told me reasons not to. Luckily I grew up with a good head on my shoulders, fell into the right crowds, and set my own morals. I knew not to do the things I told myself were bad. I knew how to resist peer pressure and to not do things I didn’t want to do. I knew I wanted to save myself for someone special. But, Mom, talk to your other kids. Kids these days aren’t as innocent as your own, and you might not get as lucky with them. Please do what you never did with me, talk to them, be a friend, develop a relationship, let them know they can talk to you about anything. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, I know I was your first, I know it’s hard to talk to me, but growing up I never felt I could talk to you about things like sex and drugs, or even just boys. I kept it in my head or talked with friends. Luckily, I turned out okay, but some kids don’t do okay not feeling like they have anyone to talk to. So talk to them, Mom, I’m begging you.
Know that I have a mind of my own. Know that I can think for myself and that I’ll be okay in the real world. I know I can make it. I have examples from you and Dad, good and bad. I learn from you guys everyday, whether you know it or not. But I want you to know that I don’t necessarily believe everything you and Dad believe. I don’t always think what you guys think, even though I don’t always voice it. I’ve been able to mold myself from my own experiences, not just from what you’ve told me throughout the years. I disagree with you on a lot of points, I just want you to accept me for who I am, no matter what; that’s what a mom does. I want to make my own choices, just like I’ve made my own thoughts, opinions, and morals. Would it be so bad to make it my choice whether I go to church or not?
I’ve learned a lot about parenting from you. I’ve learned what to do and some things not to do. I’ve learned what you do that works on me. Like when you tell me to do something a million times, I just get annoyed and never do it. When you tell me once, and tell me the consequences of not doing it, I eventually get to it. Now I know what to try on my kids, and what might not work. Just because you weren’t always the perfect parent doesn’t make you a bad one. Sure, I’ve had those moments where you just made me wish I could run away from home, but every child has those. We can’t always love you all the time. I’ve learned that. I’ll know that my child loves me deep down, but in every moment, they will not throw all their love into me.
I know that it’s hard to let me go. I know that it’s hard to watch me grow up before your eyes. Trust me, it’s surreal to me, too. But you have two other babies to take care of. I need you to not worry when it’s time for me to go. The Mama bird knows when her babies are ready to take flight, and when they time comes, she lets them. Let me go, Mom, no matter how hard it might be. I want you to start now. I want you to give me those responsibilities, let me make those choices, just start out slow. I want it to be easier for you, because I know it will be much harder on you than it will be on me. I know you don’t want your first baby to be an adult, but I will be.
It’s hard because I’m first, I know that’s why it’s so difficult for you to let me grow up the way I want to. It will get easier with each child. I promise it will get easier. But let’s embrace the changes that are happening. I’m going to be going on to one of the most exciting times in my life. It’s going to be a great experience. I know you’ll be worried about me, it’s a mother’s instinct, but I don’t want to have to be worried about you. It’s time, Mom, we can do this together.
love,
irish
I know it must be hard for you to realize that I’m growing up. I know you want me to be that five year old who was only pretending to be seventeen, but it’s real, Mom, I’m getting older.
Growing up is hard enough on it’s own. I need your support in all that I do because in a year I’ll be leaving, and you’re going to have to let me go. You can’t pretend that I’m a little kid anymore. Let’s face it, Mom, I’m not.
I know you want to be there to protect me from all the dangers of the world. I know you never want me to get hurt. But it’s impossible, Mom. I know you don’t want me to dye my hair because you’re afraid it will get messed up, or that I’ll hate it. But I need you to let me make my own mistakes. Let it be my choice, and if I hate it, it will be my own doing, and maybe I’ll learn to think harder before I change my hair next time. What will happen when I have a much harder decision to make than what shade to dye my hair? I won’t always have you there to say “no”, to make the choice for me, I need to learn on my own.
I know you want to do things for me. I know you want to shelter me, to help me, to be a mom. But big responsibilities are coming my way, much bigger than just doing my own laundry. I need you to let me do things one step at a time, to learn for myself, to stop being dependent on you for everything. I know it’s your job to take care of me, and you still can, in some aspects, but I’m almost an adult, it’s time to step aside and let me do things on my own.
I know it’s your job to tell me what to do. I know you’re supposed to yell at me, to nag me, and to tell me to clean my room. But, Mom, when I get to college in just one short year, will you be there to tell me to clean my room? I’m old enough to tell when my room needs a tidy, I just do things slowly, and I clean when I feel like cleaning. But it gets done, I promise. Let me take this one responsibility and not have to be told to do things. You no longer have to tell me to do my homework or to take a bath like you did when I was younger, I’m starting to learn to do things on my own time, and sometimes there are consequences, but I want to learn those on my own. I don’t need you to be there telling me what to do and when to do it. Soon enough, you won’t be there telling me, so I should know how to act for myself before the time comes.
Please trust that I can make the right decisions for myself, and not always need you there to tell me. Trust that I will do the right thing, trust that you have raised me right and believe in your heart that things you told me will carry on to the rest of my life.
I know it’s hard to imagine letting go of your first baby. I know I’m supposed to be that tiny girl you held in your arms years ago. I know I’m supposed to be at home with you watching Sesame Street and eating Popsicles. Those times were great, but now it’s time to move on. I’m not a baby anymore. I know the first child is supposed to be the innocent one, the one who has no older siblings with evil ways for me to follow. I still have innocence, Mom, but I’m older now. I want to grow up for real. I want to choose my own path and grow and learn. I don’t want to be treated like I’m five. And I wanna tell you, Mom, you got lucky with me. I know you always say that, but I just want to remind you. You’re lucky that I’m as innocent as I am. You never really told me anything but that drinking and drugs are bad. You told me horror stories but you never really went in to depth with me. You never told me that I’d be curious about drugs, you never told me I’d want to experiment, you never told me I’d have to choose not to when everyone else was. You never talked to me about sex. You never told me that it’s all boys really want, and you never talked to me about birth control or ways to do it safely. You never told me reasons not to. Luckily I grew up with a good head on my shoulders, fell into the right crowds, and set my own morals. I knew not to do the things I told myself were bad. I knew how to resist peer pressure and to not do things I didn’t want to do. I knew I wanted to save myself for someone special. But, Mom, talk to your other kids. Kids these days aren’t as innocent as your own, and you might not get as lucky with them. Please do what you never did with me, talk to them, be a friend, develop a relationship, let them know they can talk to you about anything. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, I know I was your first, I know it’s hard to talk to me, but growing up I never felt I could talk to you about things like sex and drugs, or even just boys. I kept it in my head or talked with friends. Luckily, I turned out okay, but some kids don’t do okay not feeling like they have anyone to talk to. So talk to them, Mom, I’m begging you.
Know that I have a mind of my own. Know that I can think for myself and that I’ll be okay in the real world. I know I can make it. I have examples from you and Dad, good and bad. I learn from you guys everyday, whether you know it or not. But I want you to know that I don’t necessarily believe everything you and Dad believe. I don’t always think what you guys think, even though I don’t always voice it. I’ve been able to mold myself from my own experiences, not just from what you’ve told me throughout the years. I disagree with you on a lot of points, I just want you to accept me for who I am, no matter what; that’s what a mom does. I want to make my own choices, just like I’ve made my own thoughts, opinions, and morals. Would it be so bad to make it my choice whether I go to church or not?
I’ve learned a lot about parenting from you. I’ve learned what to do and some things not to do. I’ve learned what you do that works on me. Like when you tell me to do something a million times, I just get annoyed and never do it. When you tell me once, and tell me the consequences of not doing it, I eventually get to it. Now I know what to try on my kids, and what might not work. Just because you weren’t always the perfect parent doesn’t make you a bad one. Sure, I’ve had those moments where you just made me wish I could run away from home, but every child has those. We can’t always love you all the time. I’ve learned that. I’ll know that my child loves me deep down, but in every moment, they will not throw all their love into me.
I know that it’s hard to let me go. I know that it’s hard to watch me grow up before your eyes. Trust me, it’s surreal to me, too. But you have two other babies to take care of. I need you to not worry when it’s time for me to go. The Mama bird knows when her babies are ready to take flight, and when they time comes, she lets them. Let me go, Mom, no matter how hard it might be. I want you to start now. I want you to give me those responsibilities, let me make those choices, just start out slow. I want it to be easier for you, because I know it will be much harder on you than it will be on me. I know you don’t want your first baby to be an adult, but I will be.
It’s hard because I’m first, I know that’s why it’s so difficult for you to let me grow up the way I want to. It will get easier with each child. I promise it will get easier. But let’s embrace the changes that are happening. I’m going to be going on to one of the most exciting times in my life. It’s going to be a great experience. I know you’ll be worried about me, it’s a mother’s instinct, but I don’t want to have to be worried about you. It’s time, Mom, we can do this together.
love,
irish
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