You know that feeling when you've always held anger in for so long for someone and always wished you were doing better than them, or that you're way ahead of the game? well, i've had that feeling towards ahem ahem for about a year now because of what he did. but you know what amazed me today? was when i was so glad to know that he's happy. he's a great guy who has learned from his mistakes and i'm happy for him. i'm tired of holding crap against him, especially when it's a ONE-SIDED competition and i look hella stupid. being forgiving feels so much better than being vengeful.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Sunday
MY SPECIAL FRIEND!!!!!
Dear ROBERT MICHAEL CARVER,
Since i can't comment on your RESTRICTED entry, i'll just write an entry dedicated to you :]First, i'd like to say that i'm so glad to hear that you and your mom are improving. at least there's something positive that came out of that day. it's never too late to build a close relationship with her.In my opinion, it's not healthy to bottle up your feelings like that. i've been there and it's a stressful, lonely road. and i know that it seems to be easier than actually opening up to somebody and letting it all out, but if you continue to do that... the outcome can be devastating. I just wish i was there with you. i know that you probably hated showing your vulnerable side to strangers. but there's nothing wrong with a little good cry now and then. it's a way to cleanse your soul. I admire your independence but i'm also scared for you. you've been hurt and disappointed so many times that i pray you don't lose hope. you're stronger than you think so don't ever doubt yourself. you're such a great influence on me because you keep me grounded on my feet and we check each other whenever we know one of us is slipping. i'm always here for you. get used to that. i don't want you to ever feel like you have no one to talk to. i'm just a phone call away :]I thank God for our friendship. i'm so proud of us because our friendship has passed the test of time ...and distance. LOL and i still look forward to the future. you are my FRIEND forever and then some. nothing and no one can ever change that...
feel better
true friends!!!!!
alright, so ive been thinking for a little bit. about who your true friends and how you know theyre true...
girls who drop you for their boyfriends, are not true friends. true friends are people who have never left your side. people who have never talkeda bout you behind your back. people who have always stuck by you, no matter how bad thigns got, or how bad you fucked up. true friends are the ones that still choose to be seen with you in public, no matter how goofy or bad or gross or silly you look. true friends are people who will be goofy, bad, gross, and silly with you. who make you laugh. who act stupid with you. there will be times when you question who your true friends are. but, youll just know who is and whos not. believe me, ive questioned hundreds of time. but i found my true best friends. there the true two. and i love them to death, with everything i have. they keep me sane, and theyve been there for me through everything. and i love them, and i thank them....
girls who drop you for their boyfriends, are not true friends. true friends are people who have never left your side. people who have never talkeda bout you behind your back. people who have always stuck by you, no matter how bad thigns got, or how bad you fucked up. true friends are the ones that still choose to be seen with you in public, no matter how goofy or bad or gross or silly you look. true friends are people who will be goofy, bad, gross, and silly with you. who make you laugh. who act stupid with you. there will be times when you question who your true friends are. but, youll just know who is and whos not. believe me, ive questioned hundreds of time. but i found my true best friends. there the true two. and i love them to death, with everything i have. they keep me sane, and theyve been there for me through everything. and i love them, and i thank them....
let go.....
call me crazy. call me selfish. call me overdramatic. or, you can tell me that you genuinely understand where i'm coming from. and that i'm not crazy, i'm not selfish, and i'm not overdramatic.
is anyone else just extremely unhappy with where their life is now? but they feel stuck, and that they can't change a thing. i know i do. &+ i've been talking to all of my friends, they don't seem to understand. i need someone to understand how i feel, to understand what i'm going through. &+ to tell me that i'm not alone.....
i need someone, anyone, to tell me i'm not alone. i need someone to UNDERSTAND. i'm so unhappy with my life, but i just feel like no matter where, i'm stuck, &+ i can't fix it....
"You just need to cry today; take a break from life and fly away. Let go of hopes and shallow dreams. Let go of pain filled memories."
so, i saw this quote and i thought it pretty much described my life lately. it's just been really stressful and busy and boring..everything has been getting to me. like people just piss me off lately &+ annoy the shit outta me. i just have a lot going on, so i saw this quote and thought "perfect" so, i'm taking a break. i'm letting go of the hopes, and the pain filled memories. [which lately have just been flooding me] and if i wanna cry, damnit, i'm going to do it. because even though it doesn't solve anything, it sure makes me feel fucking better. so, i'm advising those of you who fill like me, to take a break, let go, and maybe cry once in a while. fuck it all, and just live your life.
is anyone else just extremely unhappy with where their life is now? but they feel stuck, and that they can't change a thing. i know i do. &+ i've been talking to all of my friends, they don't seem to understand. i need someone to understand how i feel, to understand what i'm going through. &+ to tell me that i'm not alone.....
i need someone, anyone, to tell me i'm not alone. i need someone to UNDERSTAND. i'm so unhappy with my life, but i just feel like no matter where, i'm stuck, &+ i can't fix it....
"You just need to cry today; take a break from life and fly away. Let go of hopes and shallow dreams. Let go of pain filled memories."
so, i saw this quote and i thought it pretty much described my life lately. it's just been really stressful and busy and boring..everything has been getting to me. like people just piss me off lately &+ annoy the shit outta me. i just have a lot going on, so i saw this quote and thought "perfect" so, i'm taking a break. i'm letting go of the hopes, and the pain filled memories. [which lately have just been flooding me] and if i wanna cry, damnit, i'm going to do it. because even though it doesn't solve anything, it sure makes me feel fucking better. so, i'm advising those of you who fill like me, to take a break, let go, and maybe cry once in a while. fuck it all, and just live your life.
i hate it..........
1. when i'm sitting next to someone who breathes so loud it sounds like they're snoring.
2. when people put me on speakerphone and i'm not aware of it.
3. when telemarketers call my house.
4. when telemarketers call my huse and can't pronounce a name correctly.
5. when people read out loud when it's unnecessary
6. finding one shoe but not being able to find the other.
7. when people have bad manners.
8. when people shake their foot so hard that you can feel it from across the room.
9. the noise utensils make when they're stuck together and you try to pull them apart.
10. when i'm in a line at a fast food restaurant and people in front of me take forever to order their food.
11. when someone stands over my shoulder watching me while i'm on the computer.
12. when people don't do jack shit at work.
13. when i'm eating something and someone asks if they can 'have a bite' or 'have one.'
14. when friends invite me out somewhere then cancel at the last minute.
15. when people put their boyfriends before their friends.
16. ^ especially when they've been going out with their boyfriends for like, three days.
17. when people chew with their mouths open.
18. when people use the word 'gay' to describe something as 'lame.'
19. when my stomach growls extremely loud.
20. ^ especially when it's dead silent.
21. when people say 'shhhhh.
'22. when there's no toilet paper left in the bathroom.
23. caps lock when people type. IT'S SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE SHOUTING.
24. when people don't use 'you're, your, their, they're, and there' correctly.
25. when people ask me for advice but end up doing the exact opposite of what i told them to do.
26. when people get the hiccups and you're stuck listening to them.
27. the noise Styrofoam makes when you rub it together.
28. when hair strands are left in the shower.
29. when people don't use deodorant.
30. when people stare.
31. hearing babies scream and cry in a public place.
32. when people interrupt me.
33. when people ask me questions while watching a movie.3
4. when you are hanging out with someone and they turn to another person and make plans with them without inviting or acknowledging you.
35. when people borrow my stuff and never give it back.
36. lawn ornaments.
37. when girls wear bathing suit tops and nothing else on their upper bodies in the summer.
38. too much PDA.
39. sitting in the movie theaters and hearing someone eating popcorn.
40. when other people around me talk during a movie in a movie theater.
41. when people obnoxiously ring the door bell.
42. when people change the channel on the tv without asking.
43. how hard it is to open a cd/dvd because of the stupid stickers on the top and bottom of the wrapping.
44. when people don't pick up their feet when they walk.
45. wHeN pPl tyP3 lyK diiS.
46. When People Capitalize Every Word In A Sentence Like This When They're Typing.
47. when people constantly get up in a movie theater in the middle of the movie.
48. when people leave a scoop of ice cream in the container so when i go to eat it there's nothing left for me to eat!
49. when things stick out of drawers.
50. when people constantly click their pens.
2. when people put me on speakerphone and i'm not aware of it.
3. when telemarketers call my house.
4. when telemarketers call my huse and can't pronounce a name correctly.
5. when people read out loud when it's unnecessary
6. finding one shoe but not being able to find the other.
7. when people have bad manners.
8. when people shake their foot so hard that you can feel it from across the room.
9. the noise utensils make when they're stuck together and you try to pull them apart.
10. when i'm in a line at a fast food restaurant and people in front of me take forever to order their food.
11. when someone stands over my shoulder watching me while i'm on the computer.
12. when people don't do jack shit at work.
13. when i'm eating something and someone asks if they can 'have a bite' or 'have one.'
14. when friends invite me out somewhere then cancel at the last minute.
15. when people put their boyfriends before their friends.
16. ^ especially when they've been going out with their boyfriends for like, three days.
17. when people chew with their mouths open.
18. when people use the word 'gay' to describe something as 'lame.'
19. when my stomach growls extremely loud.
20. ^ especially when it's dead silent.
21. when people say 'shhhhh.
'22. when there's no toilet paper left in the bathroom.
23. caps lock when people type. IT'S SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE SHOUTING.
24. when people don't use 'you're, your, their, they're, and there' correctly.
25. when people ask me for advice but end up doing the exact opposite of what i told them to do.
26. when people get the hiccups and you're stuck listening to them.
27. the noise Styrofoam makes when you rub it together.
28. when hair strands are left in the shower.
29. when people don't use deodorant.
30. when people stare.
31. hearing babies scream and cry in a public place.
32. when people interrupt me.
33. when people ask me questions while watching a movie.3
4. when you are hanging out with someone and they turn to another person and make plans with them without inviting or acknowledging you.
35. when people borrow my stuff and never give it back.
36. lawn ornaments.
37. when girls wear bathing suit tops and nothing else on their upper bodies in the summer.
38. too much PDA.
39. sitting in the movie theaters and hearing someone eating popcorn.
40. when other people around me talk during a movie in a movie theater.
41. when people obnoxiously ring the door bell.
42. when people change the channel on the tv without asking.
43. how hard it is to open a cd/dvd because of the stupid stickers on the top and bottom of the wrapping.
44. when people don't pick up their feet when they walk.
45. wHeN pPl tyP3 lyK diiS.
46. When People Capitalize Every Word In A Sentence Like This When They're Typing.
47. when people constantly get up in a movie theater in the middle of the movie.
48. when people leave a scoop of ice cream in the container so when i go to eat it there's nothing left for me to eat!
49. when things stick out of drawers.
50. when people constantly click their pens.
for you .. stupid!!!
i love you more than anything in this world & even if you tell me how much you care for me & how much you need me, i would know it's all a lie, because if you cared for me you wouldn't have caused me to stay awake night after night crying over what you put me through. i've been hurt by you so many times, i know it's better for me if i give up and let you go, but you have been such a large part of me for so long.. i dont know if i can make it through this world without you. you not only have captured my heart, but my soul, all of me..but i will let you go, & i will move on & maybe one day you'll realize i mean as much to you, just as much as you have to me, but hopefully by then i wont need you anymore because i already know how that story ends, & to be honest with you, i dont think i'd be able to handle the hurt again ........
whew...
It's like I'm sitting here trying to figure out what is up. Idk how to explain it, but it's driving me crazy. Not neccisarily in a bad way, but in a need to talk about it kind of way. Which, I won't. It's almost like I won't let myself get in to deep for anybody, because I'm setting my expectations too high.. but I'm really not. I don't know, sometimes I just need reassurence. I know I'm not making since, and it's a good thing.
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