Most annoying people on airplanes...

Sometimes I think to myself that I would rather dispense a kidney stone through my urethra than deal with some of the people who board airplanes on a daily basis in the United Kingdom.
Flying is undeniably the most convenient, yet most unpleasant forms of travel. No one gets off the hook with this list - and if you did, consider yourself lucky.

1.Southwest Line Nazi

It’s usually that middle-aged woman with the Christmas sweater vest and shoulder pads who thinks it’s her responsibility to micromanage every last person who stands in line for a Southwest flight.

Before the recent line changes, she would question your place in line with a stare - now with the new Letter/Number system, she has cold-hard evidence that you are not where you are assigned in line. “Excuse me, your ticket says A30, not A29 … please move back 6 inches ….



2.The Unprepared Baggage Digger

Step 1: Decide what you want with you for the duration of flight
Step 2: Remove said items from bag, place in hand or pocket
Step 3: Board flight with items in hand so you can easily place bag in overhead compartment.

It’s that simple, people. Remember that there is a line of people directly behind you while boarding an airplane. Be prepared before you get to your seat. Simplicity.

3.The “Make Yourself At Home” -ier

Your feet smell like roses. Has anyone ever told you that? Your shit doesn’t stink either. Do you know where those airplane pillows have been? Do you think they wash those? Imagine washing your face with 100s of other people’s oily faces and oral secretions. Like 10% of people floss - now imagine those people drooling on your face. That’s basically what you’re doing when you use the airplane pillows.


4.Laptop Movie Watcher With No Headphones

Either A) This person forgot their headphones, or B) They have a complete disregard for the respect of others around them.

Whichever reason it may be, there is absolutely no excuse to play re-runs of Busom Buddies at maximum volume through your computer speakers.

5.End of Flight Runner

Getting off the plane 90 seconds before everyone else is at the top of your priorities. Wait like everyone else? Wait your turn to get off the plane? Nooooo. You grab your Sharper Image briefcase as soon as the “fasten your seatbelt sign” is dis-illuminated and you proceed to haul ass like a bat out of hell to the front of the plane. Don’t worry, the rest of us aren’t eager to get off the plane. This type of flier is a rare breed - but the next time I come across this guy I will not think twice about sticking my leg out and accidentally tripping him.

6.Small Bladder Window-Sitter

Y ou’re in your 30s, yet sitting in the window seat still makes you act like a nine-year-old. Google Earth - Download it. You can sit in the window seat from the comfort of your own home - you can even zoom in! There should also be a maximum number of bathroom visits for the occupant of a window seat: one. You get one free pass.


7.Sick People

We should all have the self-awareness to know when to spend the day in bed. Coughing, sneezing, wheezing, high temperature - these should all be signs to leave your sick ass at home.

Your nose is flowing like the Niagara while I’m using my napkin as a makeshift Oxygen mask.

8.Full Meal Eater

You’re about to get on an airplane with 100 other people in an 800-square-foot fuselage with questionable central air and you decide it’s a great idea to enjoy a goddamn 3-course meal at 30,000 feet. Eating it in the food court just doesn’t suit you. The awful stench from your Taco Bell bean burrito permeates the cabin for the entire duration of the 2 hour flight. Never mind the guy sitting 3 inches from you - it’s your world.

9. Babies

You’re so damn needy. Grow up. You always need supervision and if things don’t go your way, you totally go ape shit. I, for one, am sick of babies getting babied.

Man up, sit down, shut up, eat your processed cauliflower in a can and let me enjoy my iPod touch and the latest Harry Potter novel.

10.The Human Sewage Plant

Kill me now. What is the deal with body odor? You’ve purchased an airline ticket, surely you can afford the following: deodorant, floss, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, breath mints, gum.

There is no shame in taking at least one shower a day and brushing your teeth after every meal. Simple hygiene should be forced upon some people to board an airplane.

Have you ever come across any of these people on your flights? What about yourself, are you guilty of being one of these annoying people?